Leadership is a beautiful dance of resilience, connection, vision, and so much more.
Yet, leadership comes with its challenges.
For women, these challenges often include an invisible weight.
Emotional labour.
It’s the unspoken responsibility of empathy, mediation, and the need to create harmony. It’s a role women often naturally step into.
But let’s be clear: carrying emotional labour is not a badge of honour unless it’s shared, intentional, and aligned with your purpose.
Let’s take that a step further; sometimes, carrying the emotional labour of others is not yours to carry.
Understanding Emotional Labour
Emotional labour is the unseen work of keeping people comfortable, maintaining morale, and bridging gaps. It’s about supporting without absorbing, leading without martyrdom, and encouraging without losing yourself.
Often, this work goes unacknowledged, even though it’s foundational to thriving teams and a healthy workplace culture.
Women, in particular, are socialized to take on this role, which can often feel like a double-edged sword. It’s a strength that enables connection and builds trust, but it can become overwhelming if crucial boundaries aren’t set.
OK, ladies, let’s stop for a moment to breathe that in:
You don’t have to carry it all.
Your magnificence as a leader doesn’t come from doing it all—it comes from showing up fully as yourself, building others up, and making space for collaboration.
Let me tell you Alison Hollingshead, one of my clients, does this really well – she’s talking about it at The Brilliance Summit (I just had to get that in there.)
The Cost of Carrying It All Alone
There is a cost to carrying it all alone.
Burnout is real.
So is emotional exhaustion.
There where I was a few years when I was so emotionally exhausted from carrying the burdens of others that I had nothing left to support my sister and my friend when they had health challenges. It is not like me to be not supportive, but I had to admit that I was so empty there was nothing left to give.
When you’re too depleted to lead, everyone feels the impact.
Your team doesn’t need a superhero; they need a human.
They need you on your best game because you create structure, inspiration, direction and, yes, leadership.
This is where the power of intentional leadership comes into play. By embracing strategies to navigate emotional labour, you empower yourself to lead with strength and authenticity, not to mention authority.
Here are my strategies for managing emotional labour while staying in alignment with your brilliance.
1. Set Boundaries That Honour Your Energy
Leadership doesn’t mean absorbing everyone else’s emotions or struggles. It’s about knowing when to lean in and when to step back. Establishing clear boundaries is an act of self-respect and an example of self-leadership that your team can emulate.
In setting your boundaries and, more importantly, holding them, you place a clear container for your team to operate in. Further, you model what setting and holding healthy boundaries looks like and give your team permission to do the same.
Boundaries allow you the space to schedule crucial strategic thinking and planning time where you get to lead with clarity rather than confusion.
Practical Tip: Start by defining what you will and won’t take on emotionally. If someone shares their struggles, ask yourself: Is this mine to solve? Offer support, but don’t overextend.
2. Delegate Empathy
Empathy doesn’t have to rest solely on your shoulders. Great leaders empower their teams to support one another. When emotional labour is distributed, the entire team thrives.
When you see your team as human beings rather than numbers, you can recognise the power and emotional support that resides within each and every member. Understanding the skills and challenges that your team members have can help you to delegate support beyond yourself.
Empowering them to be solution-focused rather than you dependant, can help alleviate the burden, and you can create a coaching culture where the whole team becomes
Practical Tip: Create spaces for peer-to-peer check-ins. Assign a “morale lead” for projects, ensuring the emotional pulse of the team is monitored collectively, not solely by you. Encourage a coaching environment amongst your team, where open questions are used to gain insights and seek solutions.
3. Prioritize Your Self-Care Like It’s Part of the Job
Imagine a well so full it nourishes everything around it. That’s what prioritising your self-care does for your leadership. When you pour into yourself, you lead with clarity, compassion, and resilience.
As Ilyana Vanzant said, “You should give from your overflow, not from your cup” Consider your self-care as that well; you fill it up BEFORE you start sharing with others.
I’ve found that when I give myself time to care for myself, get the rest that I need, get out in nature, move my body, and disconnect from work and the world; I return clearer-minded, more solution-focused and better equipped to give.
Self-care isn’t indulgence; it’s an operational necessity. In fact, it’s self-preservation. Burnt out leaders and teams don’t operate well for long.
Practical Tip: Schedule non-negotiable time for yourself. Whether it’s a midday meditation, a morning workout, or an evening journal session, guard that time fiercely. Encourage your team to do so as well; you will get so much more out of them.
4. Celebrate Your Wins—Big and Small
Acknowledging your successes—whether personal or team-wide—is vital to staying energised and inspired. Reflecting on your impact is a powerful reminder of why you do what you do.
You can celebrate in so many ways. Whether a solo spa day, a small party, meals out or just a cake with candles in the office. Normalising celebrating wins alleviates the emotional labour. You start to see what you and your team achieve differently. Everyone then feels more appreciated, and it improves morale, creating a win-win environment for you and your team.
Practical Tip: At the end of each week, write down three things you’re proud of. Share one with a trusted colleague or friend to inspire collective growth. Create a system of celebration with your team.
5. Cultivate a Culture of Self-Worth
One of your superpowers is helping others recognise their value. By teaching your team to own their worth, you lighten the emotional load for everyone.
Miserable employees suffering from self-doubt, imposter syndrome or feeling that their contributions are not appreciated impact the emotional load on you and the team. Encouraging your team and creating a culture of affirmation and appreciation will make a difference for them and take the burden of their challenges from your shoulders.
Practical Tip: Incorporate value-affirming exercises into team meetings, such as asking members to share one thing they appreciate about their role or their team. Maybe encourage your team to nominate a team member of the week or month for special recognition.
Closing Thought: Magnificence Starts with You
Remember, leadership isn’t about being everything to everyone. It’s about being the catalyst for transformation, both in yourself and in others. Emotional labour is a gift when it’s purposeful, shared, and aligned with your strengths. It’s not yours to bear alone—it’s yours to wield wisely.
So, here’s my call to action for you:
Honour your magnificence.
Set the tone and lead with empathy, but don’t forget to protect the person behind the title. You are the heart of your leadership—and that heart deserves care, attention, and love.
Let’s lead with brilliance together.
Want to learn more and spend a day with women in leadership learning how to step into holistic leadership success, come and join us at The Brilliance Summit.
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